Olympic Bonghits, Beeps, Vampire Tweens and ShamWOW!!

Here's a picture of alleged Mayor of Atlantis and Man on Top, Fish on the Bottom, Michael Phelps, taking a Twilight sized bong hit, despite his asthmatic tendencies. Just like me!!...allegedly. This is also known as the Northwest Effect, please see Nov. 2008 archive. I'm so pleased, I could beep and twitter all fracking night. Yes. I watch Battlestar Gallactica. It must feel great when you fulfill your aquatic potential at an age that also allows you to fully enjoy drinking, strippers and bong rips with little to no negative repercussions from the media or the law. I heartily applaud him for what appears to be not raising his standard of living, but REALLY upping his standard of partying. He probably bought a new couch and a new bed because well...those things get a workout, but otherwise, he has years of endorsement money ahead of him and his handlers probably set him up with a good money manager. I have wondered while watching Vince tell me about the ShamWow, if this is the Olympic swimmer that uses the ShamWow to completely dry off. God, I hope so. So let's address the doping issue. This is not doping. If Aquaman can still win 16 Gold Medals (2 in Athens, 14 in Beijing) AND smoke the Cush, then he should keep right on doing it. He should probably use a vaporizer for the long term health of his lungs, but I'm certainly not going to tell him how to get his smoke on. I'm also really stoked for him that he got over enough quit his part time job the Olympic Hopeful Slave Camp, a/k/a, Home Depot. Thousands of hopefuls, none medal 16 times. Smoke it if you've got it, Mike!!

Is this feeling the "hope" I've heard so much about? So far, 2009 is shaping up to be the year I've been the most proud to be an American. USA!! USA!!