ShamPOW!! 2.0 - EEEEewwwww

Here are some pretty nasty crime scene photos from Vince Shlomi's ShamGate fiasco. Of course, conveniently located in Florida. And by nasty I mean, check out the 2 condoms by the pillow. Blow up the picture. See 'em? EEEWwWWWWWwwww. Pixelate, people. That may be the most obscene thing I've ever seen. Really.

Basically, Vince kissed this Working Gal and she bit his tongue and wouldn't let go. So he punched her in the face a lot. Now everyone I've discussed this with has agreed that kissing a hooker is wrong, unless she explicitly says you can. This makes sense, right? It's commonly agreed upon. Vince was wrong. I think I am casting judgement on someone I do like on a character level. That's what happens when you violate social rules.

Oh and as for all that blood on the bed? I wouldn't be too alarmed. There's a lot of blood going to the head, so when ever there's a cut on the head it bleeds like a motherfucker, but it also quits bleeding pretty quick because it wants to survive like a motherfucker. I'm just saying you could lose that much blood from a nose bleed. Just imagine much Vince's tongue bled.

But we can all agree this whole affair is pretty gross, right? The Smoking Gun is truly one of the last bastions of reputable news.

In a related announcement, my boyfriend Billy Mays is going to be in a show called Pitchmen on Discovery. Cannot wait.



Oh and a quick reminder that the price of stamps is going up 2 cents on May 7, 2009. Buy the Forever Stamps. Not aesthetically satisfying, but really, an investment. Incidentally, the Simpsons Stamps are on sale now online!

ShamPOW!

Oh man, I'm a little late to the party, but I'm here and WTF? Vince hits prostitute!? Looks like she hit back.

Thanks O. Anger for the hot tip.

Olympic Bonghits, Beeps, Vampire Tweens and ShamWOW!!

Here's a picture of alleged Mayor of Atlantis and Man on Top, Fish on the Bottom, Michael Phelps, taking a Twilight sized bong hit, despite his asthmatic tendencies. Just like me!!...allegedly. This is also known as the Northwest Effect, please see Nov. 2008 archive. I'm so pleased, I could beep and twitter all fracking night. Yes. I watch Battlestar Gallactica. It must feel great when you fulfill your aquatic potential at an age that also allows you to fully enjoy drinking, strippers and bong rips with little to no negative repercussions from the media or the law. I heartily applaud him for what appears to be not raising his standard of living, but REALLY upping his standard of partying. He probably bought a new couch and a new bed because well...those things get a workout, but otherwise, he has years of endorsement money ahead of him and his handlers probably set him up with a good money manager. I have wondered while watching Vince tell me about the ShamWow, if this is the Olympic swimmer that uses the ShamWow to completely dry off. God, I hope so. So let's address the doping issue. This is not doping. If Aquaman can still win 16 Gold Medals (2 in Athens, 14 in Beijing) AND smoke the Cush, then he should keep right on doing it. He should probably use a vaporizer for the long term health of his lungs, but I'm certainly not going to tell him how to get his smoke on. I'm also really stoked for him that he got over enough quit his part time job the Olympic Hopeful Slave Camp, a/k/a, Home Depot. Thousands of hopefuls, none medal 16 times. Smoke it if you've got it, Mike!!

Is this feeling the "hope" I've heard so much about? So far, 2009 is shaping up to be the year I've been the most proud to be an American. USA!! USA!!

His Name is Vince

And I know you've been wondering about him & the ShamWow!!!