The Seasonless No Brainer Gift

Dealing w/ a babies, of any age, is a little dragdown when you must power shop & TCB. When you absolutely can't show up empty handed, even those w/ an armful of baby, sometimes you play the game. Most of the time, a baby is the tiny human toolbelt of access. Baby makes you and where ever you are acceptable. It's ok for you to be there & no one wants to ask you why you're there. TWO TIMES!! Baby is also an awesome device for LEAVING. "I left the __________ in the car.", or silently point at the baby, "make" a confused look on your face, shrug your shoulders and walk away. 99% of the time it totally works.

Amazingly, around the holidays, that's not enough for some people. I resort to the most utilitarian gift. A pound of coffee. Very low impact. So far, I haven't had anyone reject this gift. Not only that, but ordering online makes it too easy. Right up to my front door. Didn't have to drive anywhere, no carseat, wasn't forced into an a crowd or interaction w/ another human, requires no wrapping and if no one wants it, it will get used. Now that's a closed system that works.

Consider the hilarity that would ensue after giving Baby just a sip of lukewarm coffee 1 or 2 minutes right before you return the Monster to his owners. However, don't under estimate the ruthless moves of his parental handlers. They might do the same to you. A risky and unethical gamble, like giving the CostCo sized SCOPE Mouth Wash as a gift.

Sometimes you gots to play.