e Room Update

BTW, my Nephew is fine. I doubt I can say the same for the guy OD'ing. Prognosis: incarceration or at the very least, a diversion program + probation.

Almost Forgot

To tell you a funny story. When my Brother's Baby went to the E Room for an asthma attack and he screamed about having the mask on his face, among the other invasive techniques a Baby is subjected to, my Brother simply picked up the downed mask and started hitting it himself. He might have actually needed it more.

This is funny and cool because we both knew everything happening in there costs money and it's going to cost money whether you use it or not. Good save.

BTW, in the room next door there was a guy OD'ing w/ a POLICE ESCORT and he was handcuffed to the bed. TWEEZAS DUDE!! Now that's a bad night. After assessing the lethality of my Nephew's asthma attack, I informed my brother I was going to see what was going on in the other room. Wisely, I was not welcome in the room. Between the Family and the Nanny/my BFF, the Baby's room was WAY too crowded anyway. I was clearly not needed. Besides, no one accuses me of not being a curious mind and a detective.

I've had more fun is hospitals in 2007 than probably the past 15 or so years. I have yet to determine whether this is good or bad. I should probably just get used to it.

In The Vernacular

Today's post is here to educate you in Auntie Slang. We're using this because we should all reduce the swearing used around a little kid. "Oh, FUCK NO." and "That FUCKING sucks and this is going to get a lot worse before it gets better." can be safely replaced w/ "Tweezas Dude".

Etymology: Your dick is so small, tweezers are required to find it. This is WEAK, it's going to continue to be weak and you know it.

Zone Gurl Deedy

Isn't this really what childcare is about? You can never truly stop hustling or shaking your ass. She's a damn BEAST on the camera. This is a good child care provider that I would hire. I wish I could do that...and I know you do too.

Paint Primer

New Auntie beauty technology alert, a/k/a, something that works! LAURA GELLER Spackle. It really reduces puffiness and lays a good foundation for everything that comes after it. Even if it's only your sunscreen Being an Aunt doesn't mean YOU have to look tired. Looking tore up from the floor up is for Moms.

Home...Home-y...Gnome-y

Just got back from the mighty PDX which is a lot like my own personal in-patient spa. After all these years, I still haven't learned to quit committing to "tomorrow" when confronted w/ it @ a party. I'll have to work on my party boundaries when on vacation. Typically, I'd make boundaries and vacation mutually exclusive, but I'm tired. My recovery time is different than it was even before I became a Cougar Aunt. Thank you KT and J for the excellent time. That was a good candy coated break from reality. Well, actually, this was the first St. Patrick's Day party that was a birthday & a Leprechaun & a well intentioned Garden Gnome. Really. It happened like that. You know Leprechaun univerally ='s late night. I don't think I'm wrong.

A 5 month old puppy is like a 10 mo. old baby in many ways. I actually think the soft sided big dog kennel is also good for a baby. I'm not above it. Baby or no, the world's still spinning out here and those dishes aren't going to do themselves.

All Marc - No Narc

No Damn it! Every Aunt can find something practical and wearable in Marc Jacobs' land. Just remember: Rehab is for Quitters. Get "well" soon Marc.

Arrested Development

Shocking. Snoop Dogg has been arrested for the SUSPICION of using ILLEGAL DRUGS. Surely you jest. Suspicion. That's just a waste of resources.

Babies All Sound the Same

Universal Healthcare SF Cougar Style

The cougar aunts simultaneously experienced Universal Healthcare in San Francisco and it works. The San Francisco General Adult Urgent Care Center is the dopety dope. Just get to Clinic 4J. Don't forget: 4J. From the drop in style to the exit w/ necessary medication, everything went surprisingly smooth. I'm also quite impressed w/ the efficiency of eligibility. There is none. The staff is also remarkably ready to deal w/ ANYTHING that can stumble in. Yes. You have to wait a bit, but on a Friday night, it's a lot like going to a party where no one feels 100% but they aren't going to let that stop them from trying to have a good time. When I saw a young-un walking around w/ her IV stand and her Sidekick, I realized her world was still spinning even if she wasn't completely well. Really, the only person to fear is the Security Guard and his job is not a cake walk.

Good Enough

As an Aunt who's never had to deal w/ post partum depression/psychosis I'm actually glad KFed is stowing the kids in a Vegas hotel room w/ a nanny. It actually seems to be a responsible response. Denying her access to her kids is a pretty responsible idea @ this juncture.

That's some good hustle there Federline!! It couldn't be any easier to get back in the game.

Things Get Busy

Hey y'all. Can you believe Sandra Bullock is in another movie? What?

Anyway, yeah. Chinese New Year, my computer crash, other junk, all made blogging stressful & unsuccessful last week. Mickey Avalon @ Pop Scene was really good. And super fun. I'm writing this like someone reads it.