A.I.L.F.

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    Thursday, November 30, 2006

    Life Lessons - WEST SIDE - Vol. I

    Honor and Bros before Hos are very important values to instill in a child and as far as I'm concerned, you can't start modeling the rudimentary components of loyalty too soon. Let me assure you it is entirely our intent to also model HANDLE YOUR SCANDAL, which is clearly not what Suge Knight is about. We've been going on awhile now w/ out a Gangsta murder. I thought we were over it since we all agreed Snoop is made. Even busy Aunties & Uncles will put down the HATERade, when appropriate, to increase the peace.

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    posted by spiderhole consumer @ 5:08 PM  0 comments

      Snatch


      Britney's snatch makes babies cry. I tested it myself.

      I actually think this might be a brilliant and calculated move to refocus the paparazzi. Paris and Nicole appear to be very classy lassies compared to the New Mess on the Block. You know things are not going that well when Aunt Paris has to literally hold your legs closed. She is a tried and true party professional, after all. She just has a more experienced team of handlers to supress her vag. Ewww.

      Our little baby also has a team of handlers, but he doesn't produce any upskirt shots AND though he doesn't neccesarily like it, his junk is covered by a diaper. It makes spin control pretty easy.

      ASIDE: We are not just techo-peasants. We are peasants in real life too, so you can see why I'm noting how nice the interior of that car is. I would live in there. The people who own cars like that wouldn't even consider luxuriously taking a 10 minute nap in one. I guess that's the difference between the rich and the poor. That and a lot of money.


      picture boosted from thesuperficial.com who also boosted it from someone else.

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      posted by spiderhole consumer @ 11:43 AM  0 comments

        Monday, November 27, 2006

        I stand VERY corrected.

        Well-y well...it is a Monday. Yesterday I thought I just knew everything, now didn't I? Notice how she's holding the cry hole away from her clothes and face. That's a good Auntie...

        BTW, eat your Monday handful of birth control pills!! You know Paris did.

        Picture boosted from Splash News Online.

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        posted by spiderhole consumer @ 2:38 PM  0 comments

          Sunday, November 26, 2006

          The ULTIMATE Accessory du Jour

          We all know THE hottest accessory is a human infant, celebrity or not. Amazingly, it's usurped the small dog. Did not see that coming. Please note how Paris Hilton isn't actually holding the baby. That's the ULTIMATE Aunt!! I'm a firm believer that sometimes the best thing you can do is just be there for the Parents. Open the door, heat up left overs, turn off the ringer on the phone, simple things. I've heard that both Paris and Britney are not the brightest bulbs, but this tells me different. Both look confident and comfortable in the decision to NOT have Paris hold the baby. There are just too many X Factors in that equation. Imagine the skyrocketing insurance rate, and impending lawsuit, of whatever retail venue Paris drops the baby in. Perilous 4 inch heels are for Moms who are CRAZY, not Aunts who are questionable. I mean, she's six feet tall and 115 lbs., the possibility of a squirming, 15 - 20 lb. baby overpowering her is very real...Unless she's been doing weight and endurance training...and that doesn't mean lifting your skirt all night. I think my fellow Aunties agree w/ me that this is another "Parental First". This may be the first and only time I've felt even the slightest kinship w/ Paris Hilton. You go girl. Don't EVER hold that baby! Though her DVF wrap dress is the PERFECT pattern for baby stains. Most sincere kudos. The baby does not have to be better groomed than the drone holding it & not all babies are cute.


          LOLA Creme Lipstick in SLAM is a hot pick for the holidays. It's even, smooth application, even over lip balm, is great. There's a lot of pigment so it looks rich and the fairly matte formulation is sophisticated in a retro way. Lipgloss is hard to pull off with an armful of baby, so I'm giving this lipstick 5 poopy diapers! The highest rating there is. I'm actually pretty surprised by this impulse buy since I'm a tried and true MAC fan.

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          posted by spiderhole consumer @ 1:04 PM  0 comments

            Friday, November 24, 2006

            Food Winner

            Cooking. It's great to cook & entertain adults. Particularly for adults you haven't seen for awhile and who you've been missing for whatever reason. I guess people you are thankful for. This is why if I had to choose a "holiday" that would replace all others, it would undoubtedly be Thanksgiving. Cook, eat, pass out, eat again. Repeat vigorously. No gifts, no real responsibility except for making sure there's enough food.

            'nuff said. I need to lay down.

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            posted by spiderhole consumer @ 1:43 PM  1 comments

              Wednesday, November 22, 2006

              Present Tense

              Didn't even have time to post yesterday. Shame. Even Aunts are not free from the shackles the holidays. Let's just make that the formalized gift giving activities. Everything else is spare change. I don't necessarily need the trappings and generalized pressure to give gifts for the sake of giving a gift. I do that all year long with no encouragement. I pretty much quit Christmas this year the very SECOND I saw that shit go up in CostCo on OCTOBER 31. There is no way I'm starting any holidays on October 31. I do not respond to terrorist threats.

              I am obviously NOT the Aunt who endorses a magical Christmas, Chanukah, Ramadan...whatever the obligatory celebration. I'm thinking that's the domain of the sentimental & unfortunately, I am not. I can socially afford to do this because I know everyone else is. Perhaps I'm sounding too severe. I do LOVE a gift that's relevant to the recipient, but I can say I've recieved some gifts that OBVIOUSLY had nothing to do with me. Re-gifting is a vicious but occasionally necessary evil. Instead of being a cook in a full kitchen, I'm not even copping to knowing the location of the kitchen.

              Turns out the real world is still out there spinning, baby or no. Rent, diapers, follow up phone calls, bills, even groceries don't magically resolve themselves because you want them. So yesterday was a real work day that lasted way too long.

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              posted by spiderhole consumer @ 8:49 AM  1 comments

                Monday, November 20, 2006

                Baby Stink Breath

                I know it's good for the baby & apparently he likes it, but soy based formula causes BABY STINK BREATH. The smell is...language, language...terrible. I figured we'd have about 15 - 17th years before he started smelling from both his cry hole and ass, but no.

                I recommend a thorough wiping down with a dryer sheet and some Binaca. Just kidding. It's never too soon introduce the baby toothbrush thing.

                I am so glad I'm not lactose intolerant.

                Diapers. What kind are best? After checking in w/ some part time employee Moms at Target and a couple of other Moms, CostCo's Kirkland diapers are the shizzle. $29.99 for 184 disposable diapers (though I am not the biggest fan of disposable diapers). PERFECT!! Because diapers are the ONLY thing I will buy for any baby/child related gifts. No cute outfits, unless I make the onesie myself, no toys, blankets, layettes, nothing adorable. Unless I can start using a crisp linen baby outfit that costs more than I would spend on my outfit is something I can use to wipe an ass or use as a diaper, I can't in good conscience, encourage the baby industry. That's why babies get Burger King Chicken Fingers. Trust me, the cute outfits are an option. The diaper is a REQUIREMENT. Diapers will always get used. All that other stuff is the domain of Grand Parents, Parents, wealthy friends...everyone else.

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                posted by spiderhole consumer @ 11:45 AM  0 comments

                  PG-13 Monday: Ashanti is a cheerleader

                  Did you take your recommended daily handful of birth control pills today? Ok. Go do that now because I don't want you to forget.

                  If VH1 plays that dumb ass song by Hinder again, I don't know if I can be responsible for my actions. The sooner I destroy this TV the faster we'll be consumers for a big, ridiculous flat screen. CANNOT wait. I guess that's the kind of thing that made my old man only watch BET. And he's not B.

                  PG-13 movies. "Family" movies. I will only step to PG-13 movies under duress (unless there are EXCEPTIONALLY hot, young adults in various stages of cheerleading
                  undress), on DVD because I'm an adult. I want to see excessive sex, drug use, violence and adult plots. Except for the one time in many years that I was fooled because I wasn't paying attention. The Illusionist. Angry... Jessica Biel is not too good to show her ass. I actually think she might owe it to the lesbians. That's how I ended up there in a round about way. Fellow aunts wanted to see Jessica Biel's ass and I wanted to see Edward Norton &/or his ass. It was weak for EVERYONE. Not charming, twisted or clever and no fucking. That almost describes The Last King of Scotland, which was rated R. Yeah, I know. Not the popular consensus. The Academy can just give Forrest Whittaker what they owe him and not fuck it up like they did w/ Bill Murray.

                  SISYPHUS-IAN REMINDER: Don't ever forget, if you're not married &/or w/ children, you're becoming systematically and increasingly irrelevant in American culture. I'm not telling you something you didn't know already, right? It's your reponsibility to keep yourself relevant and visible.

                  Happy Monday!!

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                  posted by spiderhole consumer @ 8:41 AM  0 comments

                    Friday, November 17, 2006

                    PlayStation 3 Premier, Tommy Lee & the Second World

                    An Aunt with a punctuality and shopping issue is a conflicted Aunt. I am late like Snoop is holding. I try to tweek and adjust my habits and ways, but I'm organically, predictably late.



                    Last night was the PlayStation 3 release @ the Metreon and the Tommy Lee appearance at Bloomindale's San Francisco. I had ancillary intel on the camping minions @ the Metreon and no knowledge of the Tommy Lee shilling at Bloomingdale's. Error. When faced w/ a plethora of X factors, several ethical dillemas occur. Driving is a whole different racket when there's a baby in the car. I can't drive like I'm alone. Related: I never answer the phone when I'm driving. Even when I know there's a warranted ass chewing on the other end.


                    There were thousands of people outside the Metreon trying to plug themselves in to their blissfully created Second Lives on the Super Hero of Consoles: the PS3 and they were driving too. And frothing at the mouth. I will address Gold Farming later. Though I had seen the clip about the wanton gamers in waiting, I did not know the release was at 12:01 A.M. on the 17th. Traffic was off the chain. I would like to check the PS3 eventually but I know I'll never use or need all the things it does. I heard it finds you a parking space, gives you a massage, cleans the house, gets the Baby home when you're incapacitated and cooks a fine dinner. In fact it's the kind of purchase that makes everything you already own obsolete. This means I'm old.

                    Naturally, because I was already running late, The Bloomingdale's exit we needed was blocked by a heavily guarded Tommy Lee appearance and a flurry of super skinny, severe looking PR hotties w/ clip boards and consumers with camera phones. He still looks good. The American Keith Richards? Ok, I don't want to tarnish Keith's long running achievements... Anyhoo, the hustle was worth the full sized Tommy Lee w/ baby pic.

                    What's the point of living in a city if the universe can't occasionally give you the gift of an unscheduled PS3 sausage fest and Tommy Lee in two city blocks?

                    Back to the Second World. This is a HUGE phenomenon and clears billions of real life, hold it in your hand money. Heretofore, untaxed money. I know the IRS is hot to figure out of how to tax the crap out these real world transactions. I see the weakness of character most people possess in real life, there's no reason it won't keep growing. Get in there, Digital Frontier Foundation and defend the rights of virtual commodities manifesting money in THIS WORLD.


                    Chinese Gold Farmers Preview

                    Maximize your baby's earning potential early w/ this fresh vocation. Work from the home and cry @ the same time. Also great for sharpening up hand - eye coordination. Cash preferred, or if you have to, US Postal Money orders as payment. No wonder America is fated to be China's bitch. Instead of trying to maintain the illusion of the middle class, ketchup. There are things going and people who can actually do something that are actively anihilating all the things the middle class thinks it deserves.

                    Can you feed a real life family w/ virtual gold and a codpiece?

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                    posted by spiderhole consumer @ 12:33 PM  0 comments

                      Separated at birth? the Killers/My Name is Earl

                      The first time I saw the Killers drummer, I was convinced Ronnie Vannucci, was Jason Lee goofing. After I saw a video, I realized it wasn't a cameo. Was I that far off base? I'm easily decieved or maybe someone should suggest to those two that Paternity is a rumor, Maternity is a fact. I learned me that in college from a lecturer I actually respected. Silly me, decieved by yet another "separated at birth" situation.

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                      posted by spiderhole consumer @ 8:07 AM  1 comments

                        Thursday, November 16, 2006

                        The average American doesn't read two books a year

                        Because I care, I've heard about enough of Jordy LaForge reading children's books. Don't know how many more days I can go on...

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                        posted by spiderhole consumer @ 12:03 PM  0 comments

                          Wednesday, November 15, 2006

                          Concealed Wednesday

                          Wednesdays I'm tired and mentally unavailable. Some Wednesdays, an Aunt could be hungover, or look like she is. I don't have endless hours to spend applying make up, but I will cop to having days, or events, when a little concealer is warranted. I am giving a Make Up Thumbs Up to Benefit's Realness of Concealness palette. It's small and it has more than enough covering, plumping, lifting and highlighting type products inside. Winner. It even has a mirror in the lid. Neat. However, after a test run, other Aunts informed me of its inappropriateness for very fair skin. Duly noted.

                          Speaking of concealing, our baby will be concealed from Fergie. In a word: Grotesque. From Kids, Inc. to The
                          Dutchess
                          , her body of work is generally deplorable. Any suggestion of Fergie being the next Gwen Stefani is ridiculous. This is more of a statement about what Fergie is not than what Gwen Stefani is. Both look like they're ready to just fellate anyone in the front seat of a car and call it a day.

                          The good news is our months of watching Aqua Teen DVD's with our Baby will be rewarded with the ATHF Movie. He might be the youngest Carl ever.

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                          posted by spiderhole consumer @ 4:55 PM  0 comments

                            Film adaptatation of the classic BABY HANDLING TIPS

                            Word



                            Being an Aunt is just enough baby for me.

                            I loved the book but the ending is different.

                            We're giving a big, long, LOUD, screech-y scream out to AUNT J. for sending the clip.

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                            posted by spiderhole consumer @ 2:49 PM  0 comments

                              Tuesday, November 14, 2006

                              Rubb Rules!!

                              Bubb Rubb

                              Bubb Rubb is truly inspirational to the baby because it gives him license to make noise and be all he can be. I'll be Lil' Sis.

                              For some reason, I NEVER get tired of seeing this clip.

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                              posted by spiderhole consumer @ 9:39 AM  0 comments

                                Monday, November 13, 2006

                                Musical Re-Up Monday

                                Monday note: Don't forget your birth control pill.

                                I'm a pretty big fan of Hip Hop now because chicks and our baby can quietly respond to loops and beats...Did I mention bass. Bass is good. Our baby likes Master Ace for some reason.

                                But like languages, I'm starting early. We like to keep our baby's mix fresh. Our baby gives these records 5 diapers up. One of the great things about these sites is the plethora of clip art that make the best onesies ever. Perhaps I should do a clip show of our onesies collection. A clip show best left to day when I'm less busy.

                                Completely unrelated: Have you seen the new Christina Aguilera video for "HURT"? I feel very confused that a Father encourages his Child to become a carny. I guess a carny is as good a job as any for her.


                                Great baby listening:
                                Sonic Youth - Rather Ripped. All good.

                                The Blow - PAPER TELEVISION. Serious melodic noise that I could listen to all the time.


                                Pajo - 1968. We've been fans for what seems like an eternity.

                                McLusky - Mcluskyism. Was there ever a band I so loved? Their attention demanding music ade me feel high when I wasn't.

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                                posted by spiderhole consumer @ 9:11 AM  0 comments

                                  Saturday, November 11, 2006

                                  Nanny Baby Cam

                                  I've heard a lot about the Nanny Cam but I propose the said device should be used by parents to see what their baby is doing to it's care takers. This documentation goes hand in hand w/ the inevitable CPS call when someone finally calls CPS because there's a baby screaming bloody murder at the drop of the hat. Thank you Uncle B for reassuring me that when CPS does show up, it's ok to point at the baby and say, "There he is!! What took you guys so long? I thought you would never come! Oh, that screaming, it was obviously me. Look at this video."

                                  Shove that AV plug into the bear's ass and prove your innocence WEEDS style. Smart Aunties and Uncles keep all the bases covered.

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                                  posted by spiderhole consumer @ 8:30 AM  0 comments

                                    Friday of Love. Angel. Money. Babies.

                                    Who doesn't like a Friday w/ no responsibility to anyone but yourself? I gave myself the day off and frankly, I can't remember doing anything of import. I'll do it again in a heartbeat.

                                    Yesterday another Auntie showing me the capricous nature of wearing the cute, but potentially very embarassing pleated micro mini (barely a pussy cover) at the market. Her look was impeccable right up until that little foot went inches astray. I do declare she's a true gambling woman. Only the cameras looming above and I saw her well covered junk.

                                    Speaking of little feet and junk, the BUGABOO "Frog" is the ultimate whip of strollers. This is what "my baby's Parents" have. These parents don't have money. It's also the kind Gwen Stefani has. She does have money. Topping out at $700.00+, I'm slightly offended. It's insane how much cash the baby industry pulls down. Seriously. If I could bottle "Nothing's too good for my baby." I would not be here or writing this. It's my dream car but in stroller form. I will say it CAN do a lot of different, convenient things when it's getting used, but I can't help but think it's more of a status symbol than a necessary item. Besides helping the baby to stop its screaming and yelping, the Frog model boasts a neat zip off feature for completely self contained diaper changes, but maybe every expensive stroller has that. Sidebar: Please believe me, I downloaded a circa 1996 Nokia into my diaper when I found out they have ANOTHER stroller. A travel stroller and THAT'S not a cheap one either. I figured they were all, by virtue of definition, for travel.

                                    So really this kid has two whips and I drive a hatchback. You know, I'm not above holding a grudge against a baby. It seems to me the really expensive stuff for babies MIGHT earn its worth and its footprint with two or three kids, but an only child should be using top shelf items until they're 8 - 10 years old. And that's if it get used EVERY DAY...like living and sleeping in it. After age 11 and a few family welding classes, the Parental Units should teach Jr. about soap box derby cars and the reuse of resources. Unless you wipe your ass w/ Benjamins, like Gwen Stefani.

                                    Now that I've mentioned a Celebrity name, Monsters can often be soothed into sleep at best, or at least silence, w/ a little stroll to the magazine aisle to catch up on a little celebrity gossip. In the same way that babies like to watch other babies and kids play, I'm not immune from the innate desire to watch celebrities play. Adults and kids are interested in Britney and FedEx & Fergie II. MMMM...Fergilicious.

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                                    posted by spiderhole consumer @ 7:07 AM  0 comments

                                      Thursday, November 09, 2006

                                      Mid Week Management

                                      Whew! It's hard to keep up w/ real world things, like making money or going to the movies to hide from the world for an hour and some change, w/ a young charge at your side.

                                      You know it's brutal when your daily clothing rotation consists mainly of solid, dark colors. It's great for hiding YOUR stains, but baby stains seem to end up white, yellowish, or brown. I wonder if Goth Moms have my policy of one outfit a day for me and the kid. I'm also wondering if all baby bottles are the same. I mean just the general logistics and leaking. It's like assembling a bong a couple times a day. I will give a shout to Dr. Brown's Natural Flow Bottles. The internal tube does actually help w/ gassiness, but they're still a pain. If the kid falls asleep while feeding I don't have to make the painful decision of letting sleeping babies lie or waking 'em up. They're designed to keep air out of the nipple, hence reducing gas. That means I don't have to wake up a sleeping baby. That means it's good. I think this probably only works w/ babies older than five or six months because the GI tract is more devloped. Oh, and don't try to judge me for wanting a baby to stay asleep for as long as possible. It's maintenance. The more tired they get, the fussier we all get. Of course the baby in question is a little pimp who smacked me w/ a hard plastic toy cel phone. This is the kind of kid who has a grudge against other babies, care takers and fights sleep like it owes him money. I better not tell you any more or he might order a pair of cement kicks for me. I can't believe I know that much about bottles.

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                                      posted by spiderhole consumer @ 9:24 AM  0 comments

                                        Wednesday, November 08, 2006

                                        6 Big Time Parental Firsts

                                        Now I'm not talking about abuse, I'm talking about life. Accidents happen w/ Parents. A shadow of doubt is cast, probably as it should be, with anyone else. Even as self centered as I am, abusing a child is for the ignorant and uncreative. These are the things you'd want ANYONE but you to deal with. In fact, you would ideally be on the other side of the globe when it happens...and it will happen.

                                        1. Burn the baby or have the baby up end a pot on stove.
                                        2. Break a limb.
                                        3. ANY bleeding from the head.
                                        4. Falling off the bed the first time.
                                        5. Getting bitten by a dog...or cat.
                                        6. That first delicious bite of fried food or cake frosting.

                                        #6 refers to two things I LOVE. I wish it could be my responsiblity because I do it so damn well. I am also blessed w/ the metablolism of a hummingbird, but not all Aunts and Uncles are. Only a parent should begin that cycle. I'm completely available to finish that terrible Happy Meal. Really, it's for the CHILDREN, so give me those fries right now. Fried food and sugar are good times to start using your "I'm the Adult here" tone that's seriously even handed and not emotionally charged. If you don't have your "I'm the Adult here" tone yet, get one, buy one, or fake it til you make it. In this confusing era of a million bad choices and so few good ones, it's an adult's responsibility to provide supportive discipline & model good communication. And don't be afraid to ASK the Parental Units for guidance around how they want discipline handled on your watch.

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                                        posted by spiderhole consumer @ 10:51 AM  0 comments

                                          Tuesday, November 07, 2006

                                          Babies like to hear...

                                          "It's Raining Men" by The Weather Girls and "Irreplaceable" by Beyonce. Not because they're good songs, well It's Raining Men is a favorite three shots into the night, but because babies like big cans. That's why babies are cool.

                                          BTW, did you see Beyonce rocking that pencil skirt? I can appreciate her months of working out and dietary restrictions to look good for her videos. I'm pretty sure they were all shot in the same time frame.


                                          Chanel BLACK SATIN Nail Polish update: Three coats and a Sally Hansen overcoat finally chipped on one nail after SIX days. Again, cudos to Chanel for making a nail polish that works for busy broads.

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                                          posted by spiderhole consumer @ 9:51 AM  0 comments

                                            Monday, November 06, 2006

                                            Monday TIP

                                            * Eat birth control pills like candy.

                                            * Get your bag, all the mail, sunscreen, errands and documentation and clothes together the night before. Whatever you have to do in your real life, make it easy to succeed on a Monday. Mondays NEVER let up. Seems like a no brainer, but Multiple responsibilities require Multi Tasking. The 15 - 20 minute Sunday night investment is a good trade for 45-60 unexplainable and frustrating minutes of the dreaded LOST KEYS.

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                                            posted by spiderhole consumer @ 9:19 AM  0 comments

                                              Friday, November 03, 2006

                                              Tip of the day

                                              TIP 1: Put on the
                                              Baby Bjorn then your jacket. Don't get me started about the Baby Bjorn hangover. It's like acid/whiskey/speed/day 2 body slapdown. If the baby's not using it, zip up and it's ready for action. If the baby is using it, zip over (head out, obviously) for an added layer of warmth w/out a cumbersome blanket.

                                              Sidebar: Capes are in this year and totally appropriate and fashionable for this situation. SAFETY BONUS: Capes also look great when you rock it w/ flat boots.

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                                              posted by spiderhole consumer @ 3:31 PM  0 comments

                                                Useless x2

                                                This just in from a mother: Co-sleeper and bassinettes = useless!! Infants grow too fast & you're left w/ a piece of junk that takes up valuable space. I've never seen a co-sleeper really earn it's keep for the amount of space it takes up. Right out the window...

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                                                posted by spiderhole consumer @ 3:19 PM  0 comments

                                                  5 useful things for the week of 10/29

                                                  1. Chanel BLACK SATIN Nail Polish. Not a baby product, but stands up like crazy to poopy baby diapers and the constant snapping and unsnapping of onesies. A good product @ a fair price. Makes child care chic & reminds you IT'S NOT YOUR BABY!! BABY BONUS: The Chanel staff may be partial to actually calling your cel when the next shipment arrives if you show up w/ a baby.
                                                  2. The San Francisco Westfield Food Court "Family Lounge" downstairs. Top shelf. Very clean and well tended. Free bottle warmers, pacifiers, rattles, play structure, plush carpets for soft tiny baby heads and over stuffed couches for Aunt's who need to rearrange and prepare for round two of shopping.
                                                  3. The Motorola i58r. Again not a baby product per say, but you need a phone in the City if you're going to take care of a baby. Industrial, not fashionable. Long battery life, GPS enabled for emergencies and can be dropped countless times. No longer made, but I'm looking forward to test driving the Motorola Motofone F3. It's allegedly under $50 w/out a contract, durable, no bells and whistles, and you can switch out cards. Let's see if they release this functional, bare bones gem in the U.S.A.
                                                  4. Disposable Diapers. You'd think this is a no brainer, but for ease of use and travel portability it's kind of a must. However, I've used cloth and disposable when on the road and disposables are just so easy.
                                                  5. Graco Comfort Sport Car Seat. Though we're HUGE fans of babies on Public Transportation, sometimes a car is a necessary evil. Under $90.00, very adjustable for growing monsters, drink holder included. I think it's supposed to be for the bottle, but my bottle of booze fits in there too!! Just kidding. I hate getting drunk w/ babies. They're all about crying and narcissism. See, that's what I'm into so the babies are just going to have to step to the left.


                                                  Specs:
                                                  Convenience, versatility and safety in one well-built car seat

                                                  Five-point adjustable harness has 2 buckle and 3 shoulder-height positions to grow with your child; deep side wings and EPS energy-absorbing foam liner for extra protection and comfort

                                                  Deluxe cupholder and snack tray keeps your child happy and occupied

                                                  LATCH equipped; level indicator for rear-facing position

                                                  Rear-facing for infants 5–30 lbs. and forward-facing for toddlers 20–40 lbs.


                                                  Warning!! If you're trying to get this into a hatch back or other "non family" car, you might need to buy anchors from the factory dealership. I personally found it GROSSLY discriminatory & time consuming that I had to spend another $40.00 on this situation because these anchors are not included in a HONDA purchased BRAND NEW in 1998. Assholes. However, the actual car seat is quite worthwhile and gets the job done nicely.

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                                                  posted by spiderhole consumer @ 1:25 PM  1 comments

                                                    5 useless things for the week of 10/29

                                                    1. Unfortunately, the pencil skirt. Even in a stretch material. Ok, not a baby product, but a wardrobe staple that's timeless.
                                                    2. Diaper bags. NOT USEFUL. Expensive and essentially useless. Any large bag/purse is a diaper bag. Big bags are in and I don't see them going away soon. Make your big bag do double duty even if you're rocking the Louis Vuitton. 2 Diapers, a pacifier and bottle are appropriate and necessary for 3 hour adventure to the outside world. Dads: Use the backpack you already have. I cannot stress enough how much you don't need this. Time waster, space taker.
                                                    3. Insane Shoes for 0 - 9 mo. Self explanatory. Just two more thing to lose.
                                                    4. Most toys for infants. Kids like simple things.
                                                    5. Baby wipes warmer.

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                                                    posted by spiderhole consumer @ 1:08 PM  2 comments