News of the Weird - Monday Edition

I could not be more surprised that Billy Mays has passed. Did not see that coming. I personally enjoyed his bigger than life attempts to sell me something. I watched all his infomercials all the way through numerous times. I was transfixed. I also watched the Discovery show Pitchmen. I didn't even feel like choosing between him and Vince because as far as I'm concerned, I have enough room in my heart for 2 crazed pitchmen. Billy was astonishingly the more classy of the two. I will miss his royal boisterousness yelling at me at all hours of the day. As for the way he went, if it's a subdural hematoma, then good for him. He had a headache, he kissed his wife goodnight and he went to sleep. Done. Hey, no one wants to die, but on the scale of traumatic deaths, I'd take that one. I found his presence to be more relevant to me in the past 15 years than that of Michael Jackson. Completely different level, but more current. I will miss seeing him. That dead at 50 thing is pretty spooky too.

Here's a link to the Wall St. Journal page that's All Things Madoff since today he's be sentenced to a mere 150 years which is an insult because he's already 71. His Foundation could only come up w/ 1.2 of the missing 13.2 BILLION. I say look a little harder. What. An. Asshole. Why was he not sentenced to live in the most economically distressed part of Michigan for the rest of his life with $500./mo.?

This is just a cool video. How do you do that?

ShamPOW!! 2.0 - EEEEewwwww

Here are some pretty nasty crime scene photos from Vince Shlomi's ShamGate fiasco. Of course, conveniently located in Florida. And by nasty I mean, check out the 2 condoms by the pillow. Blow up the picture. See 'em? EEEWwWWWWWwwww. Pixelate, people. That may be the most obscene thing I've ever seen. Really.

Basically, Vince kissed this Working Gal and she bit his tongue and wouldn't let go. So he punched her in the face a lot. Now everyone I've discussed this with has agreed that kissing a hooker is wrong, unless she explicitly says you can. This makes sense, right? It's commonly agreed upon. Vince was wrong. I think I am casting judgement on someone I do like on a character level. That's what happens when you violate social rules.

Oh and as for all that blood on the bed? I wouldn't be too alarmed. There's a lot of blood going to the head, so when ever there's a cut on the head it bleeds like a motherfucker, but it also quits bleeding pretty quick because it wants to survive like a motherfucker. I'm just saying you could lose that much blood from a nose bleed. Just imagine much Vince's tongue bled.

But we can all agree this whole affair is pretty gross, right? The Smoking Gun is truly one of the last bastions of reputable news.

In a related announcement, my boyfriend Billy Mays is going to be in a show called Pitchmen on Discovery. Cannot wait.



Oh and a quick reminder that the price of stamps is going up 2 cents on May 7, 2009. Buy the Forever Stamps. Not aesthetically satisfying, but really, an investment. Incidentally, the Simpsons Stamps are on sale now online!